5 Common Myths About Sex Therapy (And What It Actually Is)
If you've ever Googled "sex therapy" and felt a little uncertain about what you'd find — you're not alone. Sex therapy is one of the most misunderstood and underutilized forms of psychotherapy available, and most of that comes down to mythology. Cultural noise, Hollywood portrayals, and a general cultural discomfort around sexuality have contributed to a distortion of what sex therapy is. This article could help clarify sex therapy’s purpose and who can benefit.
Myth #1: Sex therapy involves physical touch or sexual activity with the therapist
This is by far the most pervasive myth and it couldn't be further from the truth.
Sex therapy is talk therapy. Sessions take place in a standard therapy office (or via teletherapy), fully clothed, and involve conversation just like any other form of psychotherapy. There is no physical contact of any kind between therapist and client.
What we do explore in conversation might include your history, your patterns, your relationship dynamics, your nervous system responses, your beliefs and relationship with your body and sexuality, and the specific concerns that brought you to therapy. We do all of that through dialogue, reflection, and evidence-based therapeutic techniques and practices.
Certified sex therapists complete extensive postgraduate training in human sexuality and are bound by strict ethical codes that prohibit any form of sexual contact with clients, and this is true in many countries. AASECT (which stands for the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists) is the leading professional certification body for sex therapists in the United States. Being AASECT-certified is a signal that that therapist has met rigorous standards in specialized training, supervision, and ethics in human sexuality. AASECT-certification in the United States is widely considered the gold standard credential in the sex therapy field.
Myth #2: Sex therapy is only for people with "serious" problems
People often put off seeking support because they worry their concern isn’t "serious enough" to warrant therapy. This is true of many common mental health symptoms and life challenges and this myth stops people from seeking help. Many folks needlessly wonder if what they're experiencing is normal, or worry they might be taking up space that someone else needs more.
Here's the truth: you don't need to be in crisis to benefit from sex therapy. It is often much easier to shift an issue that hasn’t escalated over time. Folks often struggle for much longer than they have to, having the problem grow larger and more impactful in more areas of their life over time. This is similar to how in physical therapy, if one body part has been compromised, there can be other parts up and down the body chain from the original pain that have been impacted and thrown off as well.
People come to sex therapy for a wide range of reasons and intensity. Sometimes folks come to sex therapy for acute and emergent issues, or ones that are life long and it’s hard for them to feel hopeful about change. Sometimes folks come to sex therapy without a lot of urgency, and with curiosity and a desire to learn and invest in up-leveling their sex life and erotic energy. These are all beautiful and legitimate reasons to come and benefit from working on sexual health. A few common reasons are listed below:
Differences in desire between partners
Difficulty with arousal or orgasm
Sexual pain conditions such as vaginismus or vulvodynia
Seeking deeper understanding of sexual identity or orientation
Recovering and healing from sexual trauma
Wanting to deepen intimacy and connection in a relationship with themselves or others
Wanting to understand and feel more liberated and alive as a sexual person
All of these concerns are just right for sex therapy and they (and many other issues that come up in sexual health) are all worthy of attention. Sexuality is central to how many of us experience aliveness, connection, and embodiment. Our sex lives deserve and can greatly benefit from the same thoughtful care we give to any other area of our wellbeing.
Myth #3: Sex therapy is only for couples
Couples do often come to sex therapy together, and it’s important to note that a significant portion of the work I do is with individuals. These individuals often come to understand and thrive in their own sexuality, heal from past experiences, or feel more open and ready for future healthy relationships. Sometimes people come alone because their partner can’t or won’t come as well, and helpful change is absolutely possible in your sex life whether or not you do therapy with your current sexual partner(s).
You don't need to be in a relationship to benefit from sex therapy. You don't need a partner present. And you don't need anyone else's agreement or participation to begin doing meaningful work on your own. It’s amazing how much helpful and intentional change can reverberate through our lives when we give compassionate attention to ourselves and our goals.
Individual sex therapy can be a powerful space to explore your history with sexuality and understand your own patterns and responses. This work can help you build a more compassionate and attuned relationship with your body and desires entirely on your own terms. We can often give away too much of our own energy and ‘authorship’ to sexual partners, and coming into a more empowered stance with our sexuality can be incredibly liberating.
Myth #4: Talking about sex in therapy will make things more awkward, not less
This is an understandable concern, especially if you've never spoken openly about sex with anyone, let a alone with a professional before. Many of us grew up in environments where sexuality was not discussed, or was discussed only through a lens soaked in shame, judgment or threat.
What most people find, however, is that the opposite is true: speaking with more ease about sex actually opens up more space and freedom to be curious and explore. Giving words to experiences, especially something that feels charged or vulnerable, tends to reduce its power, not amplify it. This is a well known neuropsychological principal that has it’s own ‘bumper sticker’ style catchphrase: ‘name it to tame it.’ The first conversations are often the hardest and it typically gets easier from there. After initial discomfort, many clients have shared they feel an unexpected sense of relief and spaciousness. This kind of stretching a little outside our comfort zones often indicates good learning is happening.
A skilled sex therapist creates a space that is non-judgmental, warm, and grounded in genuine acceptance. There is no such thing as a question that's too strange, a concern that's too unusual, or a history that's too complicated. It’s highly unlikely that you will shock your sex therapist. Even if you do surprise us, we are trained to sit with a client’s experience with curiosity and equanimity, so that you can gain more steadiness and understanding with it. Whatever you bring into the work, we can work with it together, at your pace and in your own language, with your boundaries and consent always in the foreground. Bringing more safeness into these conversations is crucial to shift how you relate to your sexuality.
Myth #5: Sex therapy goes against religious or cultural values
Some people worry that sex therapy will push them toward values or behaviors that conflict with their faith, culture, or personal beliefs. This is a concern I take seriously and it reflects a real gap in how sex therapy is sometimes perceived.
Good sex therapy is not prescriptive. There should be no agenda for what your sexuality should look like, how often you should want sex, or what your sexual values or romantic relationship structure ought to be. I see my role (with all therapy, and sex therapy as well) as helping you understand yourself more deeply and move toward what feels most aligned with your own values and desires in a healthy way.
Whether you are navigating sexuality within a religious framework, exploring a non-traditional relationship structure, or anywhere in between — sex therapy should honor and work within your worldview, not against it.
So — what is sex therapy, really?
Sex therapy is a specialized form of psychotherapy that takes seriously something most other forms of therapy tend to avoid: our sexuality, our bodies, and our pleasure.
It draws on evidence-based approaches to help people understand their patterns, heal what needs healing, and build a more present, embodied, and fulfilling relationship with their sexuality and their lives.
It is for individuals and couples. It is for people in crisis and people simply seeking growth. It is for anyone who has ever felt that a part of their inner life deserved more space, more understanding, and more compassion than it has received.
If you've been curious about whether sex therapy might be right for you, I'd gently encourage you to follow that curiosity. The conversation begins whenever you're ready.